The Trump Mask

The scientific literature regarding the efficacy of face mask use as part of a strategy for COVID-19 mitigation is at best controversial. For me the one definite answer is if you want to protect yourself and others one must use a form-fitting N-95 mask. Prior to the current pandemic, I have been able to find over 50 articles in the medical, dental, nursing, public health, and operational (some of the best articles were funded by OSHA grants) literature. Most disturbing to me has been the obvious politicization of the science by the media and public health specialists. Articles in the most respected scientific journals have been published and almost immediately retracted because of major fallacies in the construct of the experiment, the materials and methods used in the experiment, and most importantly, conclusions not based on science.

In the retracted Lancet and New England Journal of Medicine articles that found no use in the treatment of Covid-19 patients with hydroxychloroquine and macrolides, we find out that the company Surgisphere Corporation, created data out of thin air they were supposed to mine Medicaid and Medicare data and in fact, had only 12 employees non with a professional degree Ninety-six thousand patient charts were reviewed in less than two weeks. I invite anyone to GOOGLE the Lancet retraction to read the statistical analysis that was completely made up.

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Early on the most definitive article on masks was written by Lisa Brusseau and Margaret Sietsman from the University of Chicago College of Public Health. They measured mask filtration efficiency of various materials with various pore sizes and thread counts of material greater than 600TPI of any material was needed to create pore sizes of less than 3micron 10 -6^th meters and particles of less than half of that were also used. Particles were transmitted through the masks at 33-99liers/min. So the bottom line is a thread count of greater than 600TPI a pore size of less than 3 microns and a fitted mask are the requirements for protection. The only masks that fit these criteria are N-95 masks. Other articles warn of increasing pore size with moisture prolonged use, and a heavy sneeze increases pore size significantly.

But today I am happy to report that I have found a new solution to the mask problem. I just received 3 TRUMP surgical masks made of high-grade cotton with a TPI of 800. The masks are incredibly well built—not surprising because in big bold letters they carry the Trump name. They are red-white-and-blue and on the bottom, it says ‘Keep America Great”. There is an insert between the two layers of cotton.

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In short, it is the best surgical mask I have ever worn—and after wearing all kinds of masks during my career of 41 years, in the end, almost exclusively wearing N95 masks this is honestly the best mask. So with the Central District Health order for universal mask coverage in public, I have put my mask to the test going to two restaurants, D&B supply, and Albertson’s. I was unable to confirm any viral penetration of the mask of any kind. In fact, I was able to establish indirect evidence that the mask was repelling COVID-19 Viruses. Apparently, the Virus does not like the USA and the Red-White-Blue colors like our flag make the viruses want to retreat from being in proximity with the wearer.

But here is the key to the efficacy and efficiency of the mask. The little insert is not just a filter but has thousands of microscopic signs measuring less than 1micron in diameter that warn the COVID viruses in their own language COVIDease that the masks will kill them. But there is even more. Apparently, the viruses can read the outside of the mask also and when they see the TRUMP name they are scared out of their tiny little britches. I guess the word is out that Mr. Trump is a President to be reckoned with. As they say “Promises Made Promises Kept”.

And finally, the exposure to those unknown asymptomatic carriers of the disease is almost—but not quite—cut in half because liberals seeing my mask extend their social distancing sometimes up to 20 feet. 50% decrease exposure means 50% less chance of the disease.

So my advice after all of this is get an N-95 mask if you really want to protect yourself or others anything else is a social symbol. Large pore size, prolonged and multiple uses, washing and drying all lead to mask efficiencies of less than 50%.

Or, get a Trump mask and scare the bejesus out of those little CRONIES.

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